Today is my post-op check-up.
NOT with my surgeon, mind you, but with his assistant.
THAT I don't get.
It's been several weeks...several long...frustrating weeks since my back surgery. This will be the first time a medical professional...well...the assistant to a medical professional has looked at me. That's not meant to be a knock against medical assistants...it's just...well...you think my surgeon would stick his head in to say 'hello'...you know...as a professional courtesy. Sort of a "Hey-remember-me? I'm-the-guy-who-had-his-fingers-in-your-spine" kind of a thing.
I guess that's not how they do things nowadays.
I'm guessing what is going to happen is I will show up and the assistant will ask how I'm doing. I will say that for the most part I am fine.
FINE.
A great word fine. Isn't it?
FINE.
Freaked-out. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.
I will add that I'm tired of my back brace. I am tired of the bandage on my lower back. It's feels like I have a folded PAMPER taped to my body. I don't even want to think about the tape...my hair...the sticking...the pulling...
OWWIE.
I will bring up the fact...since they asked...that my right leg is consistently colder and weaker than my left...that for the last four days I am having trouble lifting my leg...as in walking up stairs. Which means I have to sleep on the couch downstairs...which means I am still averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night which means I'm exhausted...mentally and physically.
I've dropped about 3o pounds. Probably because I have no appetite. Except for mashed potatoes. What does a craving for mashed potatoes indicate?
I GOOGLED 'medical explanation for craving mashed potatoes' and the top three search results were:
Cravings: Boy or Girl Pregnancy: Second Trimester Community...
10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR MENSTRUAL CYCLE
and
FOOD CRAVINGS: Gender and Differences In Food Cravings
I went ahead and skipped the first two.
On top of all my other medical problems right now, the last thing I want to deal with is pregnancy...or a menstrual cycle.
The third result, however, intrigued me. So...I went ahead and clicked on it.
In regards to my question about mashed potatoes, here is what the article said: "In addition, this study (the one mentioned in the article) showed chromosomes play a part in the foods you reach for: Men, for example, find comfort in foods associated with meals prepared by their mothers (e.g., mashed potatoes) rather than from snacks and sweets (except ice cream).
Okay.
First off. I must be the exception to the rule. Story of my life. For the record, I would walk barefoot across broken glass and rusty nails to get to a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies.
Secondly, who doesn't like comfort foods. The first word of that phrase is comfort for Pete's sake!
So, in regards to mashed potatoes, I guess it's just me being human and wanting to feel happy. Apparently, at some point in my formative years, I had a really good mashed potato experience. My mother made really good mashed potatoes. I guess Freud was right. It all comes back to our mothers.
Could be worse I guess. I could be craving baby food.
Other than those things...I'm awesome.
AWESOME.
Don't I look awesome? I mean...aside from the fact that I look like I was chained to the back of a donkey and dragged up a mountain...don't I look swell?
Well?
Sorry.
I'm grumpy today.
My back is screaming at me.
My migraine has dialed up to 11 and I feel so disconnected from the world I might as well have been living on an island...in a lighthouse.
Or North Dakota.
Chalk this particular post up to a bad day.
Tomorrow will be different.
I will clear away the cobwebs and the sorrow.
I will stick out my chin and grin and say....
OH GOD.
I'm quoting the musical Annie.
Great.
If only my little red dress wasn't at the cleaners.
and that's 'Jody' with a 'y'
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