Saturday, August 27, 2011


This was the week that was brought to you by Irwin Allen.

We started off with an earthquake and it seems we are doomed to end the week with a hurricane or at the very least, the effects of a hurricane. The winds are blowing today. Hard. At least 30 MPH here in Richmond. It's raining (no complaints here-we need rain badly) and the streets are covered with fallen leaves.
CNN is on in the background and we are watching a myriad of weatherman trying to predict EXACTLY where Irene will touch down and with what force.
Hurricanes are not funny. They are serious business.
What I find funny is how people react to the situation. Like everything else in this country, a hurricane is just another way to increase ratings and make money. I'm surprised there isn't a very special Jersey Shore episode or marathon on MTV. Will Snookie get washed out into the Atlantic? We could only hope. Will the Situation be blown...(wait for it) by the winds and will his plywood like abs protect him from debris? Who cares? I think that's the bigger question.
Irene. Please. Irene is the name of that neighbor who grows roses who always complains about some other neighbor's dogs pooping in her yard. Irene is the name of the lady at work who can get you extra Post-Its and usually has lipstick on her teeth.

So Irene packed quite a punch for a little lady who passes out office supplies.
The power just came back on.
There are trees down everywhere. Everywhere but in our yard.
Thank you GOD.
Up yours Irene!
We hadn't seen Dominion Power trucks the last three days and within the last 4 hours we have seen 4 or 5. Our German neighbor, a little old spitfire with Mr. Magoo glasses, walked up to one of the trucks, garden shears in hand, and asked, "Ven are ve going to have power?"
The driver nervously responded "Within the hour, ma'am. Within the hour."
And wouldn't you know?
Within the hour we had power.

I've learned some things about myself the last few days.

I learned that I will brave 50 MPH winds and flying debris to drive up to Burger King for crappy hamburgers.
I learned that I can't sleep without the fan in our bedroom.
I learned that SCRABBLE a still a great way for families to spend time together. I also learned that having the Z and the Q on your rack is a sign for you to just pack it in and go to bed and that family is family forever, but if you use all your pieces on one word that includes a triple word and score 83 points, those same family members will love you just a little less.
I've also learned that the Charlie Horse is the hardest piece to remove from Sam's body in the game of Operation. DAMNIT THOSE LEGS ARE TOO THIN!!! YOU CAN'T GET A HOLD OF THEM!!! NO FAIR! REDO!!
I learned that the sound of transformers exploding throughout the neighborhood, although blood curling, is still not as frightening as the sound of the snapping of rubber gloves in a doctor's office.
I learned what it's like to have a vagina and that cold showers suck first thing in the morning.
I learned that one leaf is not a problem and that 10,000 leaves are a major pain in the ass.
I learned that I hate going to bed at 8pm now as much as I did when I was 7 and the my pajamas were cuter then.
Sadly, I also learned that people will knock each other out of the way to get to the ice machine for bags of ice. Those same people will grab 6 or 7 10 lb. bags of ice while the people behind them walk away empty-handed. WHO THE HELL needs 70 pounds of ice?
Seriously? You storing bodies in your basement, Boris?

To my friends-on FaceBook and to those I see every day...
I hope you got through the last few days unscathed with no more than a few days without television and hot showers. I hope you all are well and safe.

And you Irene.
Thanks for the high winds and pounding rain. Thanks for power outages and property damage.
Thanks for cancelled parties and improv shows and vacations.
I hope you get explosive diarrhea.

And that's Jody with a "y"
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