Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Yeah, it's been two years this week, give or take a day here and there.

Think about all the stuff that has happened in the last two years.

The economy went in the toilet.
Gas prices reached all time highs.
There was trouble in the Mid East.

Okay, so those could have been the top news stories from the last 20 years. Let me see if I can narrow the list down to the last two years.

I became engaged.
Charlie Sheen was the highest paid entertainer on television.
Charlie Sheen went crazy.
Charlie Sheen was fired from his television gig.
A guy named 'Weiner' was involved in a sex scandal.
Something that was being called the I-pad turned out to be a computer and not a feminine hygiene product.
Osama Bin Laden was killed and buried at sea.
A guy named Steve Jobs changed jobs but not names.
MOTHER NATURE continued to show that she is the Queen Bitch and is not to be messed with. Just ask Japan.
Conan O'Brien moved to 11PM on TBS. Jay Leno continues to suck.
Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony separated. I know. Shocking. Really people? About the only other more mismatched couple to get married and then divorced was Julie Roberts and Lyle Lovett. Or Jerry Lee Lewis and his 13 year old cousin. Or Liza Minelli and that gay guy.
Bedbugs invaded hotel rooms all across the United States and putting children to bed with cute little sayings took on a whole new creepy meaning.
Justin Bieber became a mega-star (Don't believe me? Type the letters 'j' and 'u' into GOOGLE and see what happens!) Teenage boys all over the world copy his hairstyle and become the cutest teenage girls ever!
There is still no conclusive evidence that Bigfoot does or does not exist.
While on that subject, the television program Ghost Hunters has yet to film an actual ghost and the television program Ghost Adventures proves that being an arrogant douchebag does not necessarily interfere with paranormal research. Ironically it seems that when you're dead, you develop a tougher skin.
33 Chilean miners were pulled from the Earth after a cave-in. Made for tv movies are already in the works. I heard Lisa Lampanelli is playing the mine.
Two words: Oil spill.
Casey Anthony was found not guilty in the murder of her daughter. Nothing funny about that. It's sickening, really. She'll probably be offered a book deal. I hope no one buys it. I hope karma has her new, secret address.
We celebrated the 10th Anniversary of 911 and as a world we cried together one more time.


Honestly, it feels like 20 and from my new grey hairs and the lines on my face, it kinda looks like its been 20.
After countless doctors appointments, MRI's, blood tests, X-rays, acupuncture visits, I am sadly still right where I started. After too many wasted hours in waiting rooms and emotionless shoulder shrugs from doctors who were limited in their treatment options because of the level of insurance I have, I am still suffering from headaches, horrible migraines and at-times crippling neck pain.
I could whine and cry and think about all the lost opportunities and all the lost days but what's the point really?
I don't know who said "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger." Maybe the Marquis de Sade? Gary Busey?
I don't know if I feel stronger or not. I feel tired and weak and there are days when I want to give in or up or out,. I'm not sure which preposition works best here. Part of me still worried what is going on inside my head.
We know that there are some discs that are wonky and that they are compromising my occipital nerve. Chiropractic manipulation offered some relief but I fear the nerves are worse now from two years of misdiagnosis. I still have the as-of-today still undiagnosed thing (We all remember Orville right?) inside my spinal column.
Ironically, I am having a bad day today. One of my LEVEL 9 HEADACHES. A day ender, usually, but I have way too much to do today. There's a wedding to plan for in less than 20 days now and I plan on not only being headache free but on dancing the night away.
I'm probably looking at some surgery in the not so distant future. Which in some ways is a flickering light at the end of this tunnel and in other ways it scares me the shit out of me. The surgeons I have talked to in the past have said over and over again that any exploration into finding out what Orville is (Cavernoma or tumor or lint ball) will either result in my paralysis or death.
Great options huh? It's like being invited to a buffet at The Waffle House.
Right now I'm taking every day as it comes.
It's hard to exercise when you can hardly move your neck.
I am not beaten and will never give up. I have too much, way too much, not to fight.

So what have I learned in these last two years?

I have learned that my ass looks huge in a hospital gown. Especially the ones that have little blue and yellow flowers on them.

I've learned that no matter how many throat lozenges I suck on or how many times I pee beforehand, five seconds after I'm slid into an MRI machine, I will start coughing and have to pee.

I've learned that doctors, no matter how strong their GOD complex, are just people and just like normal, every day people, can be assholes. I've learned that the concept of the 'bedside manner' has been replaced with indifference and hollow Sorry-That's-The-Best-I-Can-Do's.

I've learned that aside from lasagna, IMITREX is my favorite 3-syllable word.
I've learned that coffee although the Devil's brew is so delicious and so hard to not have in the morning.

I've learned that I can work, standing on my feet and smiling and giving my best when it feels like a crochet needle has been stuck at the base of my skull. I've learned that even complete strangers who I see almost every day I work can be caring and thoughtful and sincere.

I've learned that doctors' scrubs are really, really comfy.
I've learned that hearing the phrase "It's all in your head" makes me want to punch people in the spleen.

I've learned that although twisted and sometimes a little cruel, I do have a sense of humor and it will get me through this or at the very least make things a little more bearable.

And finally I learned that I have awesome family and friends who put up with my whining and crying and who send me heart-felt prayers and hug me until the pain goes away. I do love you all so very much.

And lastly, I learned the beautiful lady who will become my bride in 19 days loves me and will always be at my side. I learned that putting her hand in mine gives me the strength I lack some days and that her smile can light the darkest of times. I learned that love is a powerful medicine and in her arms I feel safe. I learned that she feels my pain and is on this journey with me, every day. And that I am the luckiest man alive.

And that's Jody with a "y"
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1 comment:

  1. You've learned some good stuff. Can't wait to see the wedding pictures!!