Same old same old today. There was a lot of shoulder shrugging, raised eyebrows, and once again, no answers. I am, however, being referred to a new doctor who specializes in treating a variety of nerve, muscle and bone disorders. He also specializes in non-surgical treatments such as medication, physical therapy and injections.
I'm mean. Sure. Why not? After all I am really only one step away from dancing naked under a full moon while someone kills a chicken.
I've been bounced back and forth between so many doctors, I should have WILSON tattooed on my ass but then again, I'd probably start receiving phone calls from Tom Hanks.
I have been to
who sent me to
who sent me to
who sent me back to
NEUROSURGERYAnd all the while this is going on, I am giving blood like it's on sale and having so many MRI's done that now, when I get angry, I turn into a big, green super-hero.
I'm so tired. Physically and mentally. I'm tired of numbness and stuttering and blurred vision and constant neck pain. I'm tired of no answers and shoulder shrugs and exposing myself to gamma rays and blood tests and still no answers and driving to hospitals and doctors' offices and stupid little gowns with flowers on them and...
I don't know how else to feel. Anger does me no good, although that's the one emotion I feel the most comfortable with right now. Two years of this bullshit. Two years. Really? I mean. Seriously...really?
My appointment with this new doctor is on Monday. I'm not going to have any expectations. That's one thing I've learned. If you have no expectations, you won't be disappointed. Sounds negative, doesn't it? Just a little maybe? No. It's called self-preservation. Any disappointments at this stage of the game are magnified and take too much out of me. I can't afford the energy to buck myself up after another we-don't-have-a-freaking-clue doctor's appointment.
I'll keep an open mind. I'll put some hope away for safe keeping.
I don't know what else to do.
I really don't.
And that's Jody with a "y"
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