Thursday, November 10, 2011

Time to play CATCH UP...

So. I'm a married man now. No. Really. I have the ring to prove it. Right here on my left hand. I know that it's on my left hand because I play with it constantly. I guess that's the difference between a married man and a single man. A single man plays with something else constantly.So far, married life is everything I expected it to be and wanted it to be.
You can see a video of our wedding here.
You'll have to click on the word here.
There you go. Nice job.

I haven't had too many opportunities to turn my brain off during the last two years but the ten days I spent in the Dominican Republic at Puerto Plata on my honeymoon allowed me to do just that. We're talking total relaxation here, people. Total. We're talking almost total brain death here and for those ten days I was being kept alive by a machine. Of course that machine ran completely on rum, but none-the-less it kept me going. Or not going, I guess I should I say. There's something about white sands and all-the-rum you can drink without lapsing into a coma that helps you relax.

See! That's my relaxed face. And look! I actually have some sort of pigment! Yeah. I know. Hard to believe, right? Me with a tan? It's kinda like Lindsay Lohan sober. It doesn't happen often, so when there is a rare occurrence, make sure you have a camera on hand because no one will believe you.Our honeymoon was awesome. It really was. We snorkeled, we swam, we hiked and jumped off waterfalls. And, in the process, we even learned a little Spanish.
Good evening.
"Beunos noches."
Good morning.
"Beunos dias."
Good afternoon.
"Buenos tardes."
And if you are a fan of David Tennant you would say 'Beunos tardis.'
That's a little Dr. Who humor in case you're not a fan of British Sci-Fi.
"Por va vor."
Do you have a table for two?
"Tienes una mesa para dos personas?"
I don't own that donkey. It's a rental.
"No soy el dueño de este burro, lo rente.
You're the prettiest girl in this bar, even though you are a transvestite.
"Eres la chica más bonita en este bar aunque eres travestí."
And the most important phrase I learned?
"Realmente no puedo hablar español; solo aprendí unas frases de una página web."
Which translates to...I can't really speak Spanish;I only learned a few phrases from a web page.

In the end, we managed to get by. We were able to order food, when we weren't at the buffet, so we didn't go without eating. We didn't end up in a fist fight or jail and there wasn't an international incident. We were able to order our drinks as we reclined on our giant bed on the beach so we pretty much didn't care about anything else. Like I said, we were able to relax, which as it turns out, is a lot easier to do when there are no televisions, radios, clocks, computers, newspapers or cell phones. So, I guess the lesson here is that if you want to totally relax, go a deserted island. Or Nebraska.

My health.
Well, here we go again. I have an appointment on Friday or as they say in Spanish, manana. It's hard to stop once you start really. I've been having fun with the folks at the McDonald's drive-thru since we got back. And the best part? I can finally talk to the employees at Home Depot!
It's my second appointment with this particular orthopedic surgeon who is actually the first orthopedic surgeon I've met with since all this bullshit began.
If you remember the Orthopedic Department at MCV wouldn't meet with me because they didn't want to step on the toes of The Neurology Department or The NeuroSurgery Department. I guess they didn't want to step on their distal phalanges.
That's a foot joke. I know. I know. It sounds like a Pink Floyd record title, but they are bones in the human foot. Look it up.
So I was just bounced back and forth between the neuro-twins (Blunder Twins Activate!) at MCV for a year, waiting for someone to pull their head out of the ass long enough to give me a competent diagnosis regardless of whose toes they were stepping on and really, what's frustrating about that is it was the freaking HEAD OF NEUROLOGY
Anyway. I digress.
Which is much better than regress, I can tell you. I would hate to go through potty-training again. Worse 6 years of my life.
So, here I am today, married and with better insurance (Thank you, Honey) and all of a sudden people-doctors-seem to see me as an actual person. Amazing! I was referred to this particular surgeon who looked at all my film from the last two years and who immediately scheduled me for a CAT scan. Apparently he has some suspicions about what is the cause of all my problems, hinting at arthritis as the culprit. C1 and C2 may or may not be compromised to the point where surgery is the only answer. Unlike MCV though, he didn't paint a horrible picture and hesitated listing everything that might be wrong. Instead he told me that he wanted to see the results of my CAT scan first before making any broad diagnosis or listing all the painful procedures I might have to endure.
I like a guy who doesn't show all his cards all at once. I'm sure he could talked for half an hour about what might be wrong with me and what they could do for me in all of those situations and gotten me all upset like, oh I don't MCV!! He chose though to play it cool and after all I've been through I wouldn't want it any other way. I have done a little research on the Web.
If C1 and C2 are truly compromised because of normal wear and tear (Doctors actually use that phrase-like I have steel belted radials in my neck) and arthritis, than fusion is more than likely the course of action they will take. I don't know what any of that means really because the majority of my brain shut down after reading the word screw.
I'm going to do exactly what my doctor is doing. I'm going to play it cool until a complete diagnosis is made. Then I'll crawl into a corner, tuck myself into the fetal position, thumb in mouth, and wait for everything to be over.

For the most part, everything else is going okay. I quit my job. Mostly because it was taking a physical toll on me. Even my surgeon said it was the worst possible thing I could be doing to myself. Apparently this guy has never seen the movie Se7en.
Aside from medical reasons, quite honestly, I hated that place. Most of the people are miserable and bitter and angry and that's just the employees! There's nothing worse that going to work in a place where the frustration and depression are permeable. It was like going to work at The Amityville Horror house. Or Nebraska.
Sorry. I seem to be picking on Nebraska this morning. It's all in fun. Just a call-back to a previous joke. It's what I do. I'm a comedian. We joke like that and in the process probably piss someone off. Speaking of jokes...The improv comedy troupe I am a member of-West End Comedy-is having a great deal of success. We continue to have sold-out or near sold-out crowds at our West End location, HATTheatre, and just this past Friday played a show to a sold-out crowd-and then some!-at CenterStage-Richmond. It was an awesome night. We were on fire and the crowd was enthusiastic and appreciative. We have three more shows in this season. I'm pretty darn sure we will be invited back for another. CenterStage loves what we do and is very happy with the initial response.
I love performing improv comedy and I love the people I get to perform it with a couple of times every month. Improv, much like my illustration work, allows me to not only express myself, but to go a little crazy sometimes and exorcise my demons.
I guess that's all you need to know for now...other than:
I bought some new boots.
I'm considering shaving my head.
I'm also considering a new tattoo.
I made a really good stew last night. I mean, really. It was yum.
Everything else is happening on a day-to-day basis now.
I'm no longer writing my wedding blog-I'm married now, so there's no need to. From this point on, I'm going to be working solely on this blog. Stop by some time if you get a chance. Unless you're from Nebraska, that is. You're probably never going to come back again.

And that's Jody with a "y"
All Rights Reserved


  1. MCV is shit. They told my mom I'd die within 24 hours of my birth, and that if by some "miracle" I did live, I'd be a total vegetable - I'd never be able to sit up, to walk, to feed myself. (And anyone who knows me knows very well that I have no problem with that last bit, at least.) It's comforting to know that some things never change. *tsk tsk tsk*

  2. Ah! I'm so glad you're updating the site again. It's so refreshing to read your words again. And I'm still hoping to see them put down in a book so I can buy it at a bookstore or download it onto a Kindle or something and then everyone in the world can do the same and then you can just kick back and do improv all the time without having to even think about money. I'd still love to see a "Best Of" compilation of the show. Hint-hint.