J.E. Matzer's Wafer Thin Mint

"Think what a better place the world would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap." ~ Barbara Jordan

Years ago I was working as a waiter to put myself through school. 
It was either that or making those art films. 

Oh the shame.

One night, after the place had closed, my fellow servers and I were sitting around counting our tips and enjoying some drinks, as we often did after a shift. 

The talk soon turned to childhood. 

One of the waitresses was telling us about her daughter, and how she was struggling to get the child to eat anything green that had come from the ground. 

Someone else commented that she was the same when she was little but now loved broccoli. 

Within minutes we were all sharing our own experiences with hating something as a child but now, as an adult, loving it.

Vegetables was a big one for everyone, although not in my case. My mother has said that from the earliest age I had loved spinach. I think it has something to do with me being such a big Popeye fan. Seriously. As a little boy I loved Popeye. Loved. I'm talking man-crush here.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLmR_Se3xGU

Anyhoo...

We all agreed that vegetables were much better now than when we were little kids. 

Someone else admitted they hated school when they were younger but was loving going to school. 

Someone said Christmas. I know. Right? Freak. 
Another person commented that she hated roller-coasters but now she was the first one in line at King's Dominion.

I offered that I hated...HATED...being put down for naps when I was little. I would put up the biggest fight. You'd think I was being taken clothes shopping. 

Don't get me started.

My mother would drag me to my bedroom and put me down. A minute or two later, I was back up and she was dragging me back. Sneak. Drag. Sneak. Drag. It was our dance and we danced it for a year or two. 

These days I would love for someone to give me a glass of cold milk, a couple of Chips-Ahoy...

Side note: I never understood the nautical connection-it's a chocolate chip cookie, people. If you want to say the cookies have a lot of chips, just call them Chips-A-Bound's or Chips-A-Plenty or Shit! There's-A-Lot-Of-Chips-In-These-Cookies!...

a couple of Chips-Ahoy cookies, put me down on a blanket and wake me up an hour or so later. Cute jammies are optional.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

Anyhoo X2...


So there we all were...sharing...and I decided to throw my two cents in, and offered naps as the one thing I really hated as a child but loved now as an adult. Everyone smiled, agreed wholeheartedly and the room filled with enthusiastic conversation about naps and personal experiences.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, one waitress, who had remained quiet, sitting there sipping her red cocktail in a fancy glass, listening to us all, looked up and said excitedly, "Oh! I have one! It's like spanking..."

The room got quiet. 
You could have heard a pin drop. 
You could have heard a mouse fart. 
What I'm saying here is that it was really, really quiet.

Heads turned. Jaws dropped to the carpeted floor. Which is a disgusting thought because the carpet was disgusting.  

Restaurant Makeover disgusting.

The waitress suddenly realized what she had said. You could actually see the light go on over her head. She immediately lifted her drink and emptied it...making eye contact with no one. 

It took a few minutes for anyone to speak.
We were all just sitting there staring at our feet...where our jaws were. 
I don't really know who said it...but someone finally broke the tension.

The woman sitting two people away from me in our little circle took a gulp of beer and said "Well. Sounds like you've turned the other cheek."

It took a second..but there was an explosion of laughs.

Ahhh good times. Good times.

I put myself down for a nap today.

I was getting strong signals from my body to shut things down for a bit and if I've learned anything in my 47 years it's when you're body sends you signals, you need to listen.  

If you have a craving, satisfy it. Just don't go crazy. 
If you want a chocolate chip cookie. Have one. Just don't eat the whole bag. 

I've never ever done that. Scout's...oh...who am I fooling?

If your body tells you to lay down and close your eyes and get away from the world for a bit, do it. 

So, my body sent signals today and I listened. 
I turned off all the lights and turned on the fan. 
I've gotten used to the sound. Suffice it to say, I need the sound of a fan to help me sleep.

Whirrrrr. Whirrrrr. Whirrrrr. Whirrrrr.

Experts say that the white noise of a fan whirring and whirring and whirring reminds us of the sound of our mother's heartbeat when we were in the womb.

Whirrrrr. Whirrrrr. Whirrrrr. Whirrrrr.

I don't even remember falling asleep.
I just remember bits and pieces of my dreams. 

There was a dinosaur. An escalator. An escalator with teeth. Anne Hathaway clutching an OSCAR and crying. A dinosaur eating Anne Hathaway. I think I saw a boat. There was a skeleton playing an accordion. That guy who does the weather on the local news riding an ostrich. Me shopping at LOWE'S. Me shopping at LOWE'S naked. There was a guy with a weed wacker...

That's when I woke up. 

It wasn't the best nap I've ever had but it was good. Good nap.
I feel rested.
I feel like crawling back under the covers. 
It's Friday...who will notice?

and that's 'Jody' with a 'y'
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