Sunday, February 24, 2013

Are You Tougher Than A Boy Scout?

I guess we've reached that point in our history...our a society...where we feel so bad about ourselves that we feel the need to start competing with children to make ourselves feel better. 

Someone please mark the time at February 2013.

Are we really that competitive?

What's next? 
Can You Control Your Bladder Better Than An 20th Month Old?
Do You Have Better Balance Than A Two-Year Old?
Can You Ride A Bike Better Than A 5 Year Old?
Can You Climb A Rope In Gym Class Better Than a 13 Year Old Boy?

Again, I ask.
Have we really become so competitive?

There, of course, have been competition shows on television before. Most notably Survivor, The Amazing Race and The View. 


I think, though, maybe the people who are in charge of creating television shows-you know-those guys with the shovels standing next to the those piles of poo-are starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel. 

Scrape. Scrape. Scrape. 
Evil corporate chuckle.  

One of the grittier shows with the truest survival-of-the-fittest themes and therefore the only one that should be referred to as a survival show, is Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls...

'Bear.' Now there's a man's name! 
$#@$ YEAH! BEAR!!!

Man vs. Wild with Bear against the wild...the outdoors.....the elements...and dared ask the question "How thirsty do I need to be before I drink...even after straining it through my socks filled with pine needles and own pee?"

Side note: I think the only person who ever made drinking your own pee look feasible...acceptable...dare I say 'cool'...was Kevin Costner in Waterworld and all he had was an old Mr. Coffee and a bike pump.

Mmmm...the best part of waking

Ironically Man vs. Wild is no more and Grylls is now doing commercials for Degree antiperspirant. 
Apparently 'wild' won.
Truth be known, Grylls was fired by The Discovery Channel-allegedly-because he refused to participate in two upcoming projects for them. Yes. The guy who had climbed Mount Everest at age 23, eaten a rancid camel and even given himself a polluted water enema (you had me at 'polluted')...had been finally taken down by contract violation.

I know you're dying to see it:

To be fair, Are You Tougher Than A Boy Scout? does not pit children against adults. To be clear, these are boy scouts not cub scouts who are competing with these sad men who need an ego boost. AYTTABS is being billed as a 'grueling test."

Grueling. Grueling is one of those television advertising words that's used to grab viewers and make them want to watch. Deadly is another.

'Naked' is a good one too. If you put the word naked in the title of your show, people will watch. Even if, at no time, there are any naked people on screen. Just ask Jamie Oliver, the naked chef.

Careful dicing those carrots, Chef.

One word that has lost all credibility these days is the word 'real' and the word real can thank television for that. If a show's title has the word 'real' in it, you better believe real is the last thing that show will be. 

Just ask any of those housewives.

Still though. 
Are You Tougher Than A Boy Scout?
Just the title alone. 
I could buy Are You Tougher Than A Green Beret
Are You Tougher Than A Navy Seal? Or a Mother of Three? 

I've said it before. 
Television is getting just plain silly. 
The shows are getting more and more inane. 
Why are we stretching the bounds of intelligence...good taste...common sense for the sake of entertainment? 
What happened to good story-telling? Good acting?
There's a word you hardly hear any more. 
More and more we are thinning the blood of the entertainment business by putting in the spotlight people who don't have the talent to appear on security camera footage much less high profile television shows. 
I'm not going to list their names or their stupid shows. 

It all comes down to money. Like everything else in this world. 

"New car, caviar, four star daydream
Think I'll buy me a football team..."

                            ~Money, Pink Floyd

It is a matter of economics, these days, not talent. Sadly it is cheaper to put nobody goofballs in shows than real actors. 

I am praying we will soon start gagging on the garbage we keep allowing the networks to shovel-feed us. Who knows? Maybe our gag reflex will kick in and we will push ourselves away from the table and say 'No more. I can't take another bite."

Perhaps there will be a renaissance of good television.
Perhaps there will be a renaissance of good television?
I can't believe I just wrote those two words together.

Are You Tougher Than A Boy Scout?
You want to show a real test of boy scout-ness? Try rolling, folding and putting a sleeping bag back in it's original freaking bag! 
That's a true test of outdoors survival! 

and that's 'Jody' with a 'y'
*Copyright 2o13
*All Rights Reserved

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