Saturday, February 9, 2013

“You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.” ~Jerry Seinfeld


It's not often I would find myself agreeing with George Costanza. 
I gotta say though. Sweatpants? Comfortable with a capital 'C.'  
I've been practically living in sweatpants since before my back surgery. If it was socially acceptable, trust me, I'd wear them all the time. 
Hell. I'd be in footie pajamas. Why not? Cute and comfy is a winning combo. Am I right...or am I right?
Pants are just too much to deal with right now.  
I've got a lot to deal with...believe me..pants are the last thing I want to deal with. Underpants are also too much but I have to draw the line somewhere. I'd love to go commando and wear a muʻumuʻu but Marlon Brando did that...and well...look at what happened to him. He blew up like Jabba the Hut, appeared in the really bad Island of Dr. Moreau and slowly killed himself with FUNYUNS.
Seriously, though
Why would I want to wear pants
Tell me that if you had the chance for a free week on PANTLESS ISLAND, you wouldn't jump at it? 
So, again, why would I wear pants?
I'm not allowed to drive. When I am able, I work out of my house. When company is coming over, I gather all my strength...steady myself...and then lay back on the bed so my wife can put my pants on me. 
Embarrassing? Sure. What adult wants to be treated like a two year old? Aside from that guy who keeps getting booted from E-Harmony, that is. 
What adult wants another adult putting their underpants on for them? 
Taking off? Not a problem. Putting on? Sure. It fulls under the 'worse' part of the 'better or worse' phrase in our wedding vows. I'm not sure if 'underpants' were even being considered when those vows were being written but times are a' changing.
So the question remains. What am I supposed to do?  
I'm not allowed to bend, lift or twist
Let me just say that if you can put on your underwear or a pair of pants with doing any of those three things without the assistance of another should be a member of The Justice League because you are no mere human.
That used to spell my favorite sandwich. And now...well....ruined.  
I disagree with Mr. Seinfeld. 
I haven't given up. I've adjusted to fit my current situation. I've adapted. I've overcome. I've improvised. I should be commended...not condemned. 
I'm not an animal!
Sweatpants are comfortable and they go with just about anything. There are no belts or zippers to deal with and they slide up and down.  
Up and down. Up and down. 
I'm a big kid now!!

and that's 'Jody' with a 'y' 
*Copyright 2o13 
*All Rights Reserved


  1. Sweatpants are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You wear them because they are comfortable; they remain comfortable even while your waistline is expanding (due to lack of mobility). Then when you attempt to return to regular pants, you can't because your waistline has expanded too far, so back to the comfort of sweatpants you go, defeated and fat. And you can hear the sweatpants laughing the whole time. Evil sweatpants!

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  3. I wish I was gaining weight, friend...just the opposite is happening...with all that is going on I've actually lost 30 pounds. I may have to wear sweatpants the rest of my life! Maybe I will start my own clothing line. Who knows? Right now I'm comfy. Comfy and warm. And snuggly. And no....I'm not wearing a Snuggie! :) SWEATPANTS ARE OUR FRIENDS. SWEATPANTS ARE OUR FRIENDS.