Saturday, February 2, 2013

I'm not doing anything today. 
Anything. Nothing.
I tried. I made valiant effort and now I'm paying for it. I'm numb. Numb from my right shoulder to my right foot. That can't be good. Right? 
So here I sit, propped up on the loveseat with my back brace cutting into my waist. And as if all that...the numbness...the discomfort of the brace holding me tight...making it hard to breathe and eat and sit and go to the bathroom....and...where was I? Oh. Yeah. 
On top of all that bullshit, I'm leaking. 
No. Not in an incontinence sort of way. There's a lovely thought. 
No. I'm leaking from a small hole directly under the vertical row of stitches traveling along my spine. 
When I awoke in post-op, I discovered that there was a tube coming from my spine. In addition to that, and my IV, I was pretty sure that while I was under anesthesia, something went terribly wrong in the universe and I had been assimilated by The Borg. 
If you're not a Star Trek: The Next Generation fan, the reference to The Borg will mean absolutely nothing to you and you're probably thinking of that tennis player with the headband. 

These are Borg. 

This is tennis great Bjorn Borg. 
See the headband?

So. I guess if I had my druthers, I'd choose the good looking guy with the headband. 

Back to my leaking hole. 
Back to my leaking hole? 
Yikes. Worst segway...

I think the tube in my lower back was originally for drainage. It was removed right before I left the hospital. It did come out one time and put back.  The nurse just popped it back in like she was plugging in a toaster. I'm a toaster.

And now, for some unknown reason, all of a sudden, it's just started to leak. There's blood on my back brace. There's blood on my underwear-and trust me-no one ever wants to see blood on their underpants. 
Sounds like a really bad film you'd see in health class.
Doesn't it?
Anyway, here I sit, perfectly straight, being strangled by my back brace, slowly bleeding to death.  

How's your Saturday?

and that's 'Jody' with a 'y'
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